Archives for June 18, 2017

12 Ways to Encourage Dad to be a Hands-on Parent

No matter how much of a supermom you are, it is also good for both your husband and your kids if Dad’s more involved in raising them. Nagging is definitely not the way to go (when is it ever?), so some of these tips might help.

1. Take baby steps
It can be overwhelming for a new dad if he’s saddled with a screaming infant and he has no idea what to do. Anne Santos, children’s-book author and mom of Tiago, 6, suggests, “Slowly ease him in, and involve him in your parenting chores little by little. Give him books to read, and praise him for a job well done or at least for trying. This way, he won’t be too scared to step in and eventually step up.”

2. Take him along to the OB-gyn and pre-birth classes
Even before babies arrives, begin working as partners so your hubby will know what’s going on and not feel like an outsider. He’ll understand his role from day one and know what to expect and what is expected from him.
According to Andrean Garabedian, director of sales marketing and mom of Lily, 1, “if your marriage’s sole foundation is about partnership, why shouldn’t that go along with the next stage of your life as parents?”

3. Ask him to help you
The best way to reel him in is simply ask. According to clinical psychologist and Miriam College associate professor Jerry Jurisprudencia, Ph.D., men will assume “[the mom] can do it better, and think, ‘if she doesn’t ask me to help her, then I’d just let her do it.” That’s why it’s important to ask him to help you out.

Inez Velasquez, lawyer and mom to Lala, 8 months, agrees: “They don’t know what’s going on inside your head, how you feel, or what baby needs. I think that once husbands realize how badly wives need their help raising the kids, they would willingly become more involved.”

4. Send him parenting articles or videos
While you may be reading parenting articles, he is most likely watching gadget videos. Ina de Vera, former primary-years educator and mom to Nacho, 17, Josh, 14, Emilio, 6, Amara, 3 and Cato, 6 months, says it’s important to learn together:

“We attend parent-education talks together or send each other interesting articles. In the case of busy dads, short videos seem to work better.”

5. Assign him certain tasks.
“An agreement on shared parenting can be established with a specification of roles expected from each partner,” says Celia Aguila, Ph.D., chair of the Miriam College Department of psychology. “Each role can be established, taking into account the partner’s ability and availability to play the role. In doing so, gray areas such as who wakes up at night to change diapers or who babysits when the yaya is unavailable become clear.”

“My husband and I agreed that I would take care of feeding and bathing the baby, while he would take care of dirty diapers,” says Inez. “At night, I wake him up whenever the baby needs a diaper change. No matter what time it is, he always gets up to change Lala’s nappies without complaint.”

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6. Involve kids in activities dad likes to do
“My husband likes to water the plants and go for a night jog, and he still really enjoys his comic books. So the kids garden and go on evening strolls with him, and he keeps them entertained talking about comic-book characters and making up bedtime stories based on those,” relates Ina.

“My husband Miko loves to cook, so he bakes cookies and cupcakes with the girls,” says Gabbi Pascual, mom to Natalia, 6, and Solenne, 3. “Their dad lets them help in sorting the ingredients and mixing the batter. Then he leaves them fully in charge of decorating.”

7. Have the kid ask dad for help
“I tell my son that there are specific activities where papa is the expert at, so he and [his dad] Charlie do those things, such as coloring with markers, together,” says Treena Ongking, mom to Carlo, 3. She explains that this way, “Carlo asks Charlie to help or play with him,” so Dad can’t say no.

8. Lower your expectations
Sometimes, when we notice that our men don’t do the job as well or as efficiently as we do, we swoop in and take over. Dr. Jurisprudencia says this is a bad idea. “Nagging your husband if he doesn’t do something right away would be a turn off,” he explains. “He might not meet your expectations, so don’t expect what he does with the kids to be the same as how you would do it.’

9. Set a Daddy playdate
“Another way to involve Dad further is to involve his friends,” suggests Inez. “One of my husband Paolo’s closest friends has a daughter who is only six months older than Lala. Sometimes, our families meet up and have ‘family dates’. We went walking at the park one Sunday, and it was so heartwarming watching these two dads playing with their daughters while the mommies talked and traded mommy tips.”

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10. Spend time together without mom
“I let my husband spend a lot of time with Tiago so they can get to know each other and have a relationship just like a mom and child do- or as close to that as possible,” says Anne.

Inez’s husband is the one who insists on giving his wife a break: “On Mama’s days off, I would leave the baby with my husband. It’s great because Mama gets a break, while Daddy and Baby have alone time.”

Andrea and her husband take turns. “On Saturdays, they go to swim class together and that’s their thing,” she says. “There are weekends when he plays golf all day and I have her, but on another day, I get a day off, too.”

11. Give him a list
You might have your child’s needs memorized. However, according to Dr. Jurisprudencia, husbands can be forgetful, so it’s important to make a list for him. Anne does this as well. If she’s going to leave her husband with her son, she makes sure there’s a …read more    

Fatherhood Brings Performance Anxiety (It’s Not What You Think)

Being a dad is no joke. As I always tell my friends, making kids is the easy, enjoyable part of starting a family. Once they’re there though you assume responsibilities you never really thought about and try to meet expectations to prove your worth as a “quality” dad. Being the father of two highly-opinionated, snarky kids (a teenage boy and a precocious 8-year-old girl), here are five things about being a dad no one told me.

I wasn’t given a warning about performance anxiety.
No, not THAT kind of performance. When my wife told me that she was pregnant with our son, I was ecstatic. It was something we have been waiting for (and I also realized the “boys” were actually working, woohoo!). But the day after the announcement, I was working in front of my PC at home, and it just hit me: I’ll be a father, and I didn’t have any savings.

That thought led me into a downward spiral of worrying: will I be able to provide for my child and my wife? Will I find a better job? Is my current job fit for a padre de familia? What about when my child enters elementary school? High school? College?

Am I going to be a failure as a father?

At that moment, I kind of wished the boys didn’t perform their job that well. My wife noticed that I looked sullen and worried and asked me what’s wrong. Thankfully, after I told her my fears, she reassured me, helped me process, and made me realize that I just need to take it one day at a time and enjoy being a soon-to-be-dad.

You’re expected to be Mr. Handyman.
When you get married, your wife will likely assume that you, being this virile alpha male, know your way around a toolbox. Minor house repairs should be your domain. While my dad taught me how to use a screwdriver (leftie loosie, righty tighty!), becoming a dad brings with it additional expectations on your skills.

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After breaking his favorite toy truck when he was young, my son naturally asked me to fix it. One look at the poor truck though, with its cracked housing and wheel and bent axle, I could tell there was no way anyone could fix it. When I told my son that it was beyond repair, he gave me this look of profound disappointment. He thought his Dada could fix anything, short of resurrecting a totally destroyed toy.

I felt quite small when my son gave me that look. So I salvaged his damaged perception of his superhero father and drove him to the nearest toy store. Yes, I bought him a new toy. Problem solved. Reputation intact. Dada is a hero.

You will have to steel yourself for when you have a girl.

Be ready for fashion makeovers.
This is something you will have to steel yourself for when you have a girl. Little girls think everyone is a mannequin, and the most pliant one would always be you, the Dad. Why? Because they have this sixth sense — they know they’ve got you wrapped around their finger. Lipsticks and makeup while you’re working at home? Suffer through it.

Headbands and tiaras while playing tea party? Suck it up. Putting colorful clips on your hair because she’s bored while waiting for your flight at the airport’s waiting area? Sit through the embarrassment with quiet dignity. On the plus side, though, you get really admiring glances from the ladies. I think their uteruses can sense great daddy material when they see it.

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Patience x infinity = dadhood
Patience is not just going to be a virtue when you’re a father. It’s practically going to be your last name. You have to learn to keep your cool when they throw a tantrum at the toy store, when they kick their sibling on the face, when they pull the placemat from the table with a plate on it. You can’t lose your cool and get angry for something little kids are kind of expected to do because what kind of a dad would you be? You’re trying to be the cool DAD, right? And Cool Dads are, you know, COOL! You’ll have to learn the art of Zen even if you don’t know what the frigging hell Zen is when you became a dad.

You’re going to be a rolemodel — 24/7
No one tells you that being a role model is a LOT of hard work. It is probably the hardest thing to do when you embark on your journey of fatherhood.

Whenever I’m with my son and daughter, I have to remember to say “please,” “thank you,” “po,” and “opo” when I talk to everyone. When I order anything at the restaurant, I have to be extra nice and polite even when I’m tired and just want to mumble our orders with a quick thanks to end it. Every single show we watch together, every single movie, every single Facebook post they read becomes an impromptu moral lesson.

Patience is not just going to be a virtue; it’s practically going to be your last name.

And you know you’ve turned into a parent when you do the one thing you hated your parents for doing — give those “during my time” and “when I was your age” stories. You suddenly realize your parents told you those stories not to torture you; they just really love you, and they’re just afraid you won’t develop the tools and skills you need to survive adulthood.

And yes, this is THE ONE THING I wish someone told me about being a dad — you’ll always live in this bubble of overwhelming love for your children, vexation for the wrong things they do, fear for their future, and pride for raising really cool kids.

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5 Anti-Acne Drugstore Products That Actually Work

Many expensive skin care brands can do wonders for your skin, but don’t think that more affordable ones won’t work. Especially when it comes to dealing with acne, products you would normally find in a drugstore deserve a second look and a trial spin.

Below, we list five of our favorite budget-friendly options to soothe those breakouts!

IMAGE Naruko

Naruko Tea Tree Shine Control & Blemish Clear Night Gelly, P739, Watsons

A mattifying night moisturizer that calms breakouts and fights sebum production, it also works as a spot treatment!

IMAGE Himalaya Herbals

Himalaya Herbals Neem Purifying Mask, P135, Watsons

Treat yourself to this neem mask that will balance your oil production and clear your pores of dirt, sebum, and more.

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IMAGE Celeteque

Celeteque Acne Solutions Acne Spot Corrector Gel, P169, Watsons

Need to dry up a zit overnight? This works like magic!

IMAGE BDJ Box

Celeteque Acne Solutions Clearing Concealer, P269, Beautymnl

With the help of salicylic acid, this concealer hides blemishes and helps them heal faster all in one go. What more can you ask for?

IMAGE Beautymnl

Leaders Insolution Derma Soul Anti-Trouble Mask With Green Tea, P78, SM Makati

Prevent and calm down breakouts as you chill the night away using this mask.

This story originally appeared on Preview.ph.

* Minor edits have been made by the Smartparenting.com.ph editors.

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